Peace of My Heart: Joyful...Patient...Faithful

Romans 12:12 is a verse that God planted firmly in my mind many weeks before Kristen was even born.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

During those uncertain weeks as we waited for news on the mass in Kristen's chest, after each sonogram and specialist visit, I did my best to be "joyful in hope" and "faithful in prayer." It wasn't always easy. There were times I would leave the doctor's office and cry the whole way home. I wanted someone to tell me my baby would be fine, that the mass they had found was shrinking. There were times that I did hear that, only to hear something very different from another doctor. Those many weeks in early 2009 were a very literal roller coaster ride.

As difficult as those weeks were, they were completely overshadowed by the pure joy of Kristen's safe arrival in May. My faithful prayers of asking God to give me the strength to deal with whatever might lie ahead were followed by grateful prayers of thanksgiving. Little did I know that the middle part of the verse that I had written on a sticky note and placed on my side of the bedroom mirror would one day call out to me. "Patient in affliction" began to call out to me quite loudly last fall.

This season of grief has stirred up some strong emotions in me. Patience hasn't really been one of the qualities that has come about as a result. I've lacked a patience with friends, with my family, and with myself. Perhaps I've hidden it well, but I've been anything but content and without complaint.

I know I don't have to like what's transpired since last August (and I don't), but I do have to continue to trust that God knows what He's doing (and I do).

Right now, I'm asking God for patience. And if you're in a season of grief and not feeling especially patient, either, I pray that He grants you an extra measure of patience, too. May we learn to be patient with those around us who say the wrong things (or don't say anything). May we learn to be patient with those closest to us, realizing that each day is a gift to be treasured. May we learn to be patient with ourselves, understanding that grief knows no time line and our journey through it is as unique and different as each one of us.