I had a complete meltdown the other night. I'm talking fall-in-a-heap-on-the-floor meltdown, complete with uncontrollable sobbing. It was an absolutely anguish-induced episode. I had been bombarded by so many things that had made my grief raw, yet again. My heart ached. Sadness engulfed me. A number of different situations had come at me from all directions, and as I was getting ready for bed Sunday night, I melted into a puddle on the bedroom floor. I felt so emotionally fragile that I was certain I would break before long.
My sweet husband of nearly 20 years came in to check on me. And rather than try to "fix" things (as is his normal way of dealing with such a situation), he sat down beside me on the floor and just let me cry. He listened as I went on and on (and on) about all that was weighing so heavily on my heart. He listened, and he held me close. He prayed with me and in doing so, assured me, yet again, that God had brought me just the right man so many years ago.
We are grieving so differently, my husband and I. I've had emotional meltdowns before, and have endured them alone, sometimes because no one else was around and sometimes because it was just too difficult for him to reach out to me. The tenderness in his voice, the gentleness of his touch that night soothed those places deep in my heart that were inflamed.
God is the ultimate healer, but it seems to me that sometimes He uses people who are willing to let Him work through them to help us heal. Perhaps by letting God work through them, not only will they help someone else, they will experience something intimate and precious as well. Maybe as they respond differently to a situation than they normally would, they will see a new aspect of their own character, and of God's.
Grief has stretched me in ways that I would just as soon not know. But, I do. I know that it's up to me as to how I respond to that. And I pray for strength to respond in a way that pleases God. This particular season of my life is not an easy one. I don't know how long it will last, but I am grateful for the rays of sunshine that occasionally break through the clouds. They let me know that I'm not stuck here.
