I had a complete meltdown the other night. I'm talking fall-in-a-heap-on-the-floor meltdown, complete with uncontrollable sobbing. It was an absolutely anguish-induced episode. I had been bombarded by so many things that had made my grief raw, yet again. My heart ached. Sadness engulfed me. A number of different situations had come at me from all directions, and as I was getting ready for bed Sunday night, I melted into a puddle on the bedroom floor. I felt so emotionally fragile that I was certain I would break before long.
My sweet husband of nearly 20 years came in to check on me. And rather than try to "fix" things (as is his normal way of dealing with such a situation), he sat down beside me on the floor and just let me cry. He listened as I went on and on (and on) about all that was weighing so heavily on my heart. He listened, and he held me close. He prayed with me and in doing so, assured me, yet again, that God had brought me just the right man so many years ago.
We are grieving so differently, my husband and I. I've had emotional meltdowns before, and have endured them alone, sometimes because no one else was around and sometimes because it was just too difficult for him to reach out to me. The tenderness in his voice, the gentleness of his touch that night soothed those places deep in my heart that were inflamed.
God is the ultimate healer, but it seems to me that sometimes He uses people who are willing to let Him work through them to help us heal. Perhaps by letting God work through them, not only will they help someone else, they will experience something intimate and precious as well. Maybe as they respond differently to a situation than they normally would, they will see a new aspect of their own character, and of God's.
Grief has stretched me in ways that I would just as soon not know. But, I do. I know that it's up to me as to how I respond to that. And I pray for strength to respond in a way that pleases God. This particular season of my life is not an easy one. I don't know how long it will last, but I am grateful for the rays of sunshine that occasionally break through the clouds. They let me know that I'm not stuck here.
14 comments:
What a picture of beauty and love...even in the midst of ashes. Men and women do grieve so differently and sometimes that means respecting each other's need to walk that path his or her own way. But...there is a time to just hold each other and comfort one another. I'm so glad your husband was there and able to do that. Praying for both of you as you continue to walk this painful path...that the Lord would comfort and carry both of you with His love and grace...
I love your sweet bears! They are beautiful, Kim...and will be a comforting gesture to those who receive them. I love every bit of beauty that God brings from the ashes of sorrow...and your bears are another piece of that beauty.
Thank you for your soft heart for others who grieve.
Thank you for sharing your heart in this post. I have had a couple moments like this myself and expect to have more in the future as well as for the rest of my life. I am sending many hugs to you and I am so glad that your husband was able to comfort you during this difficult moment. I agree with you, I think that God definitely works through others. I definitely agree with what you said that it is up to you in how you respond and I feel the same way. I'm so glad to have found your blog and I am so sorry for your loss.
love and prayers
elena
I am so glad you had a special moment of grief with your husband. It is so tempting to let it seperate you, and to feel even more alone. It takes work to remember that we do this differently, and there is not right or wrong. Thank you for encouraging me to stick it out, and give grace as he walks the same path in a different way.
Kim, I came here from the Walking With You blog. When the window first popped up, my breath was taken away when I saw your beautiful little girl. Thank you for sharing your story as you walk through theses seasons.
thank for sharing this moment between you and your husband. amidst the brokenness of your grieving, there is beauty in your husband's gesture of just holding you and giving you the comfort you needed. i believe that God does work through people and in doing so offers comfort to even more.
your daughter is beautiful, and the bears you make are a wonderful way to honor her.
Kim, thank you for sharing this post and how God used your husband to help cushion your heart. I came via Kelly's blog and have had a chance to read some of your posts. Thank you for sharing your heart and precious Kristen. Thank you for pointing to Jesus even in your grief.
Praying for you tonight....
Karen
I am just coming to your blog from Walking With You. I read through your Caring bridge with anticipation and tears. Your bears are absolutely wonderful. I can not imagine a better way to honor sweet little Kristen. Thank you for sharing your heart here for others. Prayers and hugs to you!
Your heart is so beautiful even in the midst of your anguish--you still want to honor God with your grief. And He knows. And He feels your pain and it's ok to meltdown and let Him hold you through the arms of your husband. You are so brave to keep your heart open and share it here! I pray that healing comes gently and completely to both of your hearts!
I'm so glad I got to visit here through Walking With You. You are a light for Him!
I'm glad you husband just sat with you and let you have those moments of grief. Yes, the season is not easy and I pray that God gives you the strength and comfort to walk through it.
I am coming from Walking with YOU. Thank you so much for sharing your story. What a Wonderful moment that God gave you between you and your husband!
Kristen is just beautiful and bears are so sweet! Praying God continues to wrap His arms around you and bring you the peace and comfort that only He can give!
(((Hugs))) and Blessings,
Karen
Hi Kim, I am over from Walking With You to say hello and tell you how sorry I am for your loss.
Your precious Kristen is so beautiful. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, praying for your comfort and strength. I have a blog called For Your Tears where I send out handkerchiefs to grieving mothers. Let me know if you would like one. I love your bear project. ((HUGS))
Your daughter is breathtaking. I think it was her eyes that struck me when I saw her pictures because they look so thoughtful, not something you would expect from a little one.
I'm glad your husband was able to comfort you. You are right, we do grieve differently and I think understanding that helps.
I'm glad Kelly picked you for walking with you!
Hi. . . I'm a little late to the party but I'm glad I finally got over!!! So many times I think "I should be past this by now"so I am comforted to know that I'm not the only one who is still grieving, "all this time" later. And I'm glad your hubby was able to be there for you this time!
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