You know that feeling when your foot goes to sleep? It tingles and doesn't work quite right until you get the blood circulating to it again.
That's a little like I feel right now, really like I've felt for a while. Maybe my heart is just a little numb. The days now are not so full of tears and sorrow. Of course I still miss Kristen and my mom so very much, but I don't feel overcome with the sadness that I once did. I think of them both every day, but I don't always feel those emotions in such a physical way.
I guess I'm still waiting to feel the joy. God promised me that I would have it again, and I believe Him.
Psalm 30:5
...his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
I've joined an online Bible study for moms who have experienced the loss of a baby. I know how important it is to stay in God's Word. I also know how hard it can be to do that when you feel such a numbness in your heart. We "meet" each Sunday evening online using a web conferencing tool. It's really pretty cool. With either a phone or a headset (or speakers and a mic), we can come together and actually have real conversations. I pray for these moms whose hearts are hurting. After hearing each one of them introduce themselves and share about their loss(es) at our first meeting last Sunday, I was overcome again with such sadness. But together, I know we'll find healing through this study of God's Word.
Will and I also received confirmation for a spot at the next Respite Retreat near Nashville in February. I've written before about how my husband and I are grieving so very differently. I believe that this retreat will help us to further understand those differences and to be encouraged as we learn ways to strengthen our marriage and our family. I pray that it truly is a respite for us, and I am thankful for the ministry of David and Nancy Guthrie.
The Josh Wilson song, "Before the Morning" puts to music the words that describe so well where I am right now. If you haven't heard it before (or even if you have), please listen closely. It just might encourage you, too.
Josh Wilson - Before the Morning
It's sure been a long "night," but I have hope for that "morning."
