I had another post I'd been working on, but this one bubbled its way to the surface first.
Our Thanksgiving last year is a bit of a blur to me. Our losses were still so very fresh, and my heart was broken. The baby who was supposed to be with us, wasn't. And I hadn't even begun to process my mom's death at that time. The one thing that jumps out at me, however, when I think back to last Thanksgiving is that I never heard Kristen's name.
We spent the holiday with family, yet no one mentioned our daughter's name. Our tragic loss was the elephant in the room that no one was willing to acknowledge. Conversation, like electricity, seemed to follow the path of least resistance. I was very deeply hurt. I let that hurt fester into anger, and I've held onto that anger. Oh, I've "worked" on it, but not seriously. I've given it over to God (many times), only to take it back (many times).
I'm making steps in the right direction. And I will continue. Tonight, in the midst of preparing pumpkin pies, cranberry sauce and homemade rolls, I had a thought. I'd love to be able to share some scripture and a few words of thanksgiving with all who gather around our table tomorrow. I know, however, that my emotions would get the better of me...they always do. So I will share in a different way, acknowledging the losses of those who gather with us, but more importantly, giving thanks to the God who sustains us. I created and framed the following, which will sit out for all to see:
Have a meaningful Thanksgiving.