I found an interview with Todd & Angie Smith recently, one they had done after the birth and death of their daughter, Audrey Caroline. Their circumstances were not exactly the same as ours, but the emotions are strikingly similar. As I watched the video, I found myself agreeing involuntarily with both tears and the nodding of my head. Nothing I have seen, read or heard since Kristen died matches my own thoughts so closely. It is their story - a story of hope - but it is also a peek into my own heart.
If you're not familiar with the Smiths, Todd is part of Selah, a Dove award-winning Christian recording group. (I saw them in Omaha in October 2009. They are amazing!) Angie continues to write her blog, Bring the Rain, which she started when she was pregnant with Audrey. She also has a book, I Will Carry You, coming out in May 2010.
"Blessed be the Lord, Who bears our burdens and carries us day by day." -Psalm 68:19
This verse was the inspiration for the bears I began knitting a few months after Kristen died. The knitting itself is therapeutic for me. I think, I pray, I listen to God as I knit each stitch. He truly does bear my burdens and carries me (sometimes it's minute by minute). A bear seemed like a wonderful reminder.
My Prayer
If you have found your way here because you received a bear, then this prayer is for you...
May God continue to grant you the grace necessary to get you through this very difficult journey. Our paths to get here may be different, but there is no denying the incredible pain that accompanies each of us. Lean into the One who created you, the only One who truly understands your pain and your heartache. He will love you through it...IF you let Him. I pray that you will.
I'm married to an amazing man and am blessed to home school two sweet daughters. Our littlest one waits for us in Heaven, and I thank God for the 3 months we had her here. His grace is truly amazing.
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