A delicate balance


There is just so much sorrow in the missing.  It's the missing that makes my heart ache.  I miss her tiny voice, her wiggles, her legs that always seemed to be in motion, her sweet smile (with an occasional hint of an ornery grin).  I miss her fuzzy little head, that beautiful baby scent, the feel of her snuggled into my arms.  I miss her eyes, those amazing eyes.  I just miss her.  The sad irony is that I not only miss all of these things that were wrapped up into three months, I miss the things I didn't get to experience with Kristen.  Perhaps even more than I miss what I had, I ache for what will never be.

As much sadness as there is in the missing, however, there is even more hope in the knowing!  What sustains me is the knowing that none of what happened to our family is a surprise to God.  He is God and I'm not.  He knows what He's doing!  I take comfort in the knowing that Kristen left our arms for the eternal safety of His.  She's perfect and in His presence!  There is hope in the knowing that our heavenly Father will make all of this right one glorious day!

In the here and now, the missing tends to get in the way of remembering the knowing.  The waves that wash over me sometimes crash so loudly against the shore that I can barely hear His voice.  I know, however, that it's there. He's there.  The knowing is never gone.  I suppose the missing and the knowing, like the sorrow and the joy, will always be part of a delicate balancing act.  For the times when I lose that balance, I am so thankful for the Almighty who is always there to catch me.


Jennifer said...

Just wish I could run over and give you a big hug! I know my friend, I know! You are so brave and Kristen was so blessed to be loved, held and cuddled by you! Sending a big hug your way!

Lori said...

Oh gosh, Kim...just reading your description of her...so real, so descriptive--I feel like I actually knew her and saw her. My heart aches for yours...and is inspired by your inspiration and hope. Lots of love!

Dakota said...

Hey, I just came across your blog by doing a bit of blog-surfing and I'm glad I did! I've added myself as your newest follower, and I hope you'll check out my Christian devotional site as well.

Have a blessed day!

In Christ,
Dakota - A Look at Life from a Deerstand

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

The missing is so hard, my dear friend. Praying for you as you miss your sweet girl and cling to the hope we have in Him.

Love to you...

Anonymous said...

Just found your blog link on another site. Kirsten died the day after our Sarah, May 6, 2009. I'm going to read through your blog.


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