Posted by Kim @ Peace of my Heart on Friday, February 04, 2011 |
I truly appreciate all the comments and personal messages that my last post prompted. Each one has given me things to think about. I've spent much of this week praying and pondering the conversation that caused me to wonder if I was truly relying on God as I should be.
As much as my life sometimes feels out of control, I know Who holds my hand through it all. I am grateful for a heavenly Father who cares for me in spite of myself, who continues to love me in my most unlovable moments, who never tires of listening to me.
Much of what I heard from you sweet ladies is nothing I haven't heard before. Goodness, I've even written about it myself! I guess I just needed to be reminded. There are, indeed, many layers of grief, and no one's journey through them is exactly like anyone else's. No one, no matter how prettily they package it, can tell me how I should be doing this. Even the most well-intentioned words can cause pain. It's when they come from someone you trust and care about that they can become a stumbling block.
If I pull back the focus, however, and zoom in on the most important relationship, the one I have with God, those words just don't have any weight.
And just so I'm clear on the whole "people are watching" subject...my only concern is that I allow Christ to be seen through my actions. My tears of grief fall freely. I don't apologize for them. Sometimes, I don't even wipe them away. There's no facade here. My pastor's warning was really a message to "keep it real," even as messy and ugly and uncomfortable as "real" is sometimes.
Should I ever again feel like I'm being judged or rushed through my grief, I have a simple reply: "Thank you for your concern, but I am right where I need to be...tightly in His grasp."
Perhaps this week was all about solidifying that for me. My husband's fancy GPS can tell me in one of several different voices where I'm located, but it can't tell me where I AM. Thankfully, I already know.