Puzzle Pieces


You know when you're working a jigsaw puzzle, and you find a piece that looks like it belongs in a particular place?  The colors and patterns seem right.  The shape seems right.  It looks like it was made to fit in that spot...but it just doesn't.

I'm discovering some parts of my life that are a lot like that.  Things that I was very much involved in before Kristen's death just don't seem like they "fit" anymore.  I had chalked those awkward feelings up to being so consumed with grief.  And maybe that's still the case, but after a statement in this week's GriefShare video (Session 12), I have to wonder if there's more to it.  The statement made was regarding easing back into church (#9 in the "Top Twenty Lessons of Grief") and how the groups you were a part of before the death of a loved one may no longer be a good fit.  Though the video spoke about church specifically, it seems that the lesson would certainly apply to other areas of a person's life as well.

Grief changes you.  Those changes occur at such a deep level within your heart and soul that the outward portion of your life can't help but be affected.  Despite how much my life today looks like it did prior to finding out I was pregnant with Kristen, I know it to be so very, very different.  Those differences are things I cry over and rejoice about...sometimes at the same time.

I suppose it makes sense that relationships will change because I'm not the same person I once was.  Friendships seem different (some strengthened, some fractured), family relationships seem changed (again, some for the better, some not), areas of my life that I've poured my energy and talents into seem forced, new things seem hollow.

Nancy Guthrie shared on that video that deep sorrow actually expands a person's capacity for great joy.  That is truly a beautiful observation, one that I'm sure will become more and more obvious as I gain more distance.

Yes, grief has changed, and is changing, me.  I may not "fit" into the puzzle where I thought I did, but there is a place for me.  Just as it's best to keep hunting for the right spot rather than to jam a puzzle piece into the wrong place, I must be watchful as God reveals to me that place where He wants me to be.  Changes are going to happen to all of us, and some of those changes will not be ones that we would ever willingly seek out.  Because of Who He is, God can, and will, use them all for good.  We just have to continue to trust Him.  We may see a piece or two of the puzzle, but He's got the box lid and knows where every single piece goes.


Jennifer said...

What a great post! It definitely gives me something to think about! Grief has changed me. I am not sure right now where those changes will take me, but I know, I am not the same person I was before my sweet boy.

Sara Williams said...

Tears for you and your beautiful Kristen. Your grief overwhelms me every time. I pray that the new place for your puzzle piece is near mine. Love you-Sara

Lori said...

Nancy has blessed our hearts so many different ways with her words...so grateful for her ministry!!!

What an amazing analogy of life after loss...puzzle pieces trying to fit together...thank you for sharing.

I'm so very sorry that beautiful little girl of yours is no longer on this earth with you.

Holly said...

I totally agree and I like the analogy of the puzzle piece. Life def changes after losing your baby.

chelle said...

Hi. I have followed your blog since I discovered "Walking with You" following the stillbirth our our daughter in April.

When you said "Grief changes you" I absolutely relate. It is extremely hard to balance "life goes on", because the death of our babies goes on too.

I'm blessed by your words and your faith. Blog on! :)

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