I've survived a year without Kristen.
There have been days that I have been emotionally knocked to the ground, unsure if I would make it through the next hour. But, I have survived. There have been days that I've been just too sad to do much of anything. Even so, I have survived. Too many nights, I have cried myself to sleep and awakened with swollen eyes and an aching heart. Yet, I have survived. There have also been days that I have smiled, even laughed. Those days are special and remind me that it won't always be like this.
As I spoke recently with a friend who lost her husband a little over a year ago, she said, "They say it gets easier, but I think they lied." When our hearts are so very tender, it certainly doesn't feel easier. In fact, there are days that I feel like for every step I've taken forward, I'm moving two steps back. Grief is definitely not a static experience. It changes everything.
There's a reason that they call the family members of a deceased person "survivors." We endure the circumstances that change our lives forever. It's taken just about everything I've got to survive, but I have. Actually, it's taken me giving everything to God to survive this past year. He has been there, even when it felt like no one else was.
Thanks be to God, I have survived a year.